For Historical Purposes

do re mi

2006-10-23T00:15:00.000-04:00

I have come to a realization. And, as always, when I come to a realization, that realization gets posted on my blog. Judging by the gaps in posts, I don't realize often.

The youth of America loves music. In fact, of all obsessions in our society, I would say music reigns as #1 - yes, above sports. I have found that my generation defines their lives through music. I have friends who relate to hip-hop and think that Tupac's words were words to live by, or that Luda just "gets it." I have other friends who are into a more underground style of music - the music of raves or "shows" at places I'd likely never enter. They play that music at a high volume and watch their frustration and disdain dissipate more with ever beat. I have friends who have decided that music is what their lives will revolve around, who have majored in music of some sort, spent all of their free time learning and playing music, dedicated their hearts to their bands and concerts or to other bands and concerts, and decided to pursue it professionally. Whether it's jazz greats, jam bands, pop singers, or hard rock, the music moves their lives.

For example, ask 5 of your friends this question:
"If you were stuck on a deserted island for the rest of your life, what one thing would you want with you?"
I promise that at least 4 of those 5 friends will say something along the lines of "my CD collection," "my ipod," "my music collection," or "my instrument of playing preference." Music defines my generation.

Where do I fit in with this? Well, I have come to the conclusion that I'm the odd man out. I don't really care for music. It's not that music bothers me, but I don't really give a shit about it. Sometimes, I enjoy playing some background music while I cook. I certainly like the radio on in the car. I love to dance, and find dancing to be quite easier with music on. But beyond such isolated events, I wouldn't care if music was completely cut out of my life. I like certain singers and groups and can somewhat reasonably call myself a "fan," and I can fairly doubtlessly say I love Billy Joel, but even playing one of my 22 Billy CDs is sometimes a forced action. I just dont like music. Inga made this realization on the 50th time that I turned down the stereo that she had put on for her listening pleasure. I just find it to be noise - even the groups I like.

I may likely attribute this to several facts about myself but inconclusively, as I am not a psychologist and don't have the funds at the moment to speak with such an expert. First, I love television and I think that TV is my music. Just as others couldn't go on without music, I cannot go on without TV. People are shocked when they find out how many hours of TV I fit into my week, but -really- that is just the time that others are listening to their ipods, right? Perhaps I'm better stimulated visually rather than auditorily. Maybe it's because I have no musical talent whatsoever (7 years of piano lessons and I can't play shit). I'm not sure.

The interesting thing is that I'm surrounded by musicians. 70% of my close friends are in a band or have been at some point of their lives. 99% of my friends would say that music is super important to them. There must be a reason I have chosen to associate with such people, or is that really just my entire generation and I have no choice in the matter of music appreciation? I will say, however, that I found my match in Roy. He, too, is not thrilled by music and cannot really answer the question of "What do you listen to?" He, however, is a master pianist. ::Shrug::

Well, anyway, let's take that long-winded post (when is it otherwise?) as a superb introduction to the following musician, who did evoke some emotion from me this evening. There really is music and voices out there that just make you feel lonely, loved, loving, and fairly romantic all at the same time. This is one of them: http://myspace.com/joshuaradin <= Joshua Radin

Royal Sass

2006-10-08T18:31:00.000-04:00

I would believe this unless I truly trusted Billy who truly trusts his friend, but here is Billy's friend's account of an incident from his recent flight. This is purely spectacular!

Billy's Friend:

My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super."On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."» She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one." To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-
cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, Bitch."
Billy & Me @ a pre-VMA party. The picture of Marco just seems appropriate.

Stay Golden

2006-10-08T18:28:00.000-04:00

Xcess20: put a smile on your face, make the world a better place, put a smile on your face (whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do) smile

Getting an IM like that, when you are in a particularly shittastic mood, is better than hot apple cider on a cold winter's night....or something like that. Either way, Kenneth Golden rocks my world :)

he's just special

2006-10-08T01:17:00.000-04:00

He must have just gone through his life oblivious of his surroundings....

SNL had a skit where they said "Fugly."
Roy goes: "Wow, I invented that term years ago! I guess it's spreading!"
We will now refer to Roy as "Al Gore."

Also, he asked "Is 3rd Rock From the Sun still on?"

wtf.

zombie

2006-09-21T15:44:00.000-04:00

Woah. What a semester it is. They say that your second year in law school is easier. They ("they" being anyone with an opinion, regardless of whether they've actually gone to law school) are right - and wrong.

It is easy because there are no surprises. Even with all of the construction and renovation and random room closings at Cardozo (my law school of choice), I am not taken aback and keep my bitching to a minimum. The socratic method no longer surprises me either. I am not startled when I hear my name called during my super important game of Spider Solitaire. The amount of reading, for one reason or another, actually seems - dare I say - reasonable. These feels were not present last year when every day seemed to be packed with reasons to cry.
No tears this year.

What has changed, however, is that I am overwhelmed - as always - in a much different way. I am involved. I signed up for clubs and societies at the club fair and I actually participate in them. I attend meetings that aren't offering any free kosher pizza. I am on a law journal and I took a position on it, keeping me fairly busy (Assistant Symposium Editor...hachacha). I am on the SBA (student bar association) and, thus, keep busy making sure the school runs smoothly (not really, but planning bar nights is hard!). All in all, I have less time than I did last year, but work is not my main time filler. Plus, there's the internship at the entertainment law firm (Goz McMichael, LLC). Making movie magic!

It's still overwhelming and it probably always will be. And, no, I am not writing this as an excuse for my ever-tardy post. I am simply a procrastinator at heart. I am writing this for the observation that childhood is fully complete and there's no going back. We will never have time on our hands again. We will always be busy whether it's a heavy workload or a whole other slew of duties. We are growing up and as our ages increase, our time decreases. It's sad. I dont like it. I'm not alone in this.

I feel like every day I struggle to make myself look like less of the zombie I am becoming. Oil of Ole is doing nothing for the bags under my eyes. Each day as I walk through the revolving doors of Cardozo, my main concern is "I hope I look human." Is that a bad thing? Care to comment?

Goodbye, Summer '06

2006-08-27T13:19:00.000-04:00

It's raining right now in New York. I'm not sure if the rain is to blame, but everything's a bit "blah" right now. No motivation to do anything, nothing to do really. I could clean a bit and work on resumes and cover letters for firms. Nothing is pressing today. I was invited to see "Snakes on a Plane," which I have been excited about for a while but I feel like even though classes dont start until tomorrow, I will be filled with a "I should be productive right now" guilt that usually doesnt start until the very day classes start. Premature this time around.

I'm looking back at this summer, the summer that ends today, and trying to find what will define it. Each summer of my life is remembered for something - my prague summer, my law school classes summer, my summer of roadtrips and mini vacations, etc. I suppose I worked this summer, and I tended to many a wedding. Walked down the aisle twice. Attended several other joyous marriage celebrations. Finished half a book. Kept up with celebrity gossip (hourly). I intended on writing and finishing my book. I wrote a chapter. I inteded to become super skinny and enter America's Next Top Model. I lost 13 lbs. and am still better suited for Celebrity Fit Club (if I were a celebrity, that is). I suppose the summer was not very fulfilling.

Roy and I have grown to know and appreciate one another greatly, after spending the entire summer attached at the hip (insert crude joke here). That was nice. But I also drifted from the friends who had previously been my second family. I shifted my life. My life had been one thing, defined by one group of people and one routine/lifestyle. This summer shifted that. My dependancy on certain people and certain ways of life has evaporated. I life a different life now I feel. This summer achieved a change in my life that not even the transition into college or law school could provide. My life is just different. "I roll with a new gang." I still love and appreciate my old life and in no means dropped friends. But I wake up with different numbers on my missed calls list and different email addresses in my inbox now. I clean my apartment when I have free time and I dont rush out of my way to meet up with people. I take my time. I guess that's what this summer has been for me. Unfulfilling but necessary?

Wow, the rain makes me all philosophical and shit. I feel like Inga. If you need me, I will be staring at my coffee table discussing to myself whether the coffee table really exists or if I am willing it to exist. Good lord.

girls who like boys who like girls who like boys.....

2006-08-08T15:03:00.000-04:00

The wedding this weekend did actually get me thinking about something super cereal (South Park reference) - girls who hate girls.

I know someone (who was in attendance at the wedding) who has mentioned/announced her dislike for females (yep, no particular kind, just the gender in general) and on top of that, is fairly rude and mean to females around her. This was the case during the wedding weekend.

My opinion of this "I hate girls even though I am one myself" syndrome is: STUPID AND IMMATURE.

Sure, I went through the phase of hating girls and only having guy friends and making it known that I only befriend guys but then realized (before I was even out of my teens) that I was doing it for attention from guys, thinking that guys would think I'm one of them or that I'm "different" and "so chill." It's a generalization that I realized was just completely stupid. Maybe I hadn't met the right girls at that point or just wanted to be EXTRA friendly to boys and this was the cover up for my flirtation. Either way, it seems that this syndrome is still present. There are still girls who feel this way and make their feelings known. But, what really gets me is when they are just rude. Be a nice person or else you're going to make me hate girls too. Or not girls in general (b/c I grew up) but just girls like you!!!

I can say that I disliked the girls I've met at _____ or the girls I lived with when I _____ or anything like that. Or I can say that I hate ditzy girls or girly girls or competative girls, etc etc. But to say you just dont like girls seems rather like a rather uninformed opinion. Have you met all the girls on Earth? If so, and if you still feel that way after you're trip around the world, then power to ya and I will stay out of your way and lobby for you to be able to use men's rooms in public facilities. Otherwise, put a smile on your face and stop hanging on every guy like a sad desperate person.

That is that.

Mr. and Mrs. Peter Sayre

2006-08-08T14:53:00.000-04:00

On Sunday, my very good friend, Carolyn Banta FINALLY tied the knot to her main man, Bret Sayre (after almost a 3 year engagement). HURRAY FOR THE HAPPY COUPLE! I was the maid-of-honor (yes, my second go at the title this summer) and hopefully Carolyn thinks I did a spiffy job. The wedding was fun - lots of Lehigh friends, my main-man Roy, even my parents & a former high school teacher were in attendance. I didnt trip, and neither did the bride (and isn't that all the matters?).

The only snag was when the emcee, when first announcing the couple as man and wife, announced "...the new Mr. & Mrs. Peter Sayre!!!!" when actually, Peter is the groom's father. So, after what I'm sure was the longest second in Carolyn's life (these are details that brides treasure, you know), the emcee corrected himself. But the whole thing really did add some humor to the wedding, since the mistake was brought up a few more times and everyone laughed (the cocktails added to that). And honestly, If that is the biggest mistake to happen at a wedding, then the wedding can easily be considered a complete success, as it was!

In addition, the entire weekend of wedding festivities (bridesmaids luncheon, rehearsal dinner, after parties, etc.) was a lot of fun, especially since my Lehigh partners-in-crime were there and sharing a hotel room with me and Roy (who was a very happy camper). So big shoutout to Andrea, Sonya, and Janelle! Aint nothing funnier than watching your 22 year old friend hook up with the groom's 17 year old brother! Or dirty dance in front of all the relatives! Hehehe....silly girl.

So, MAZEL TOV Carolyn & Bret Sayre!!!!! Have babies!!!!

a literary hero

2006-07-31T16:14:00.000-04:00

HAPPY 40TH BIRTHDAY J.K. ROWLING!!!!! MAY YOU WRITE AND WRITE AND WRITE UNTIL THERE IS NO PAPER LEFT AND THEN MAY YOU SIT ON THE END OF MY BED AND JUST VERBALLY VOMIT OUT EACH AND EVERY WORD THAT IS IN YOUR HEAD, PREFERABLY IN COHERANT - WIZARD-RELATED - SENTENCES!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE A TOTAL GODDESS!!!!!!!!

disclaimer: I am on no/few medications

such a disgrace

2006-07-31T16:01:00.000-04:00

It's not like this has even been a very busy summer. I sit at a desk each day, and honestly, have oodle of time on my hand to post 40 times a day. Perhaps I've lacked motivation or any topics I want to post on. Perhaps the problem is that I never wanted this to be a blog that tracked my days like an appointment book. I never wanted to start a post with "So, today I went to the _____ and saw _____ and then did ______ until I _____." Thus, I only posted when something inspired me or I wanted to get something off my chest. Like in Harry Potter, how Dumbledore uses the pensieve to store his memories but mostly memories he thinks will be important, not his latest trip to the wand store. But I think I've confused myself with Albus Dumbledore because, well, he (aside from being fictional...which yes I do know and do understand) is very busy (still aware it's fiction) and runs a school for wizards, not to mention protection all of the magic world from you-know-who. I, on the other hand, haven't even had a trip to a wand store to post the memory of. In fact, I haven't had much of anything that seemed worth posting. People ask me what I've been up to and shrug seems most appropriate. But I'm sure if I moved aside the PerezHilton posts, the news of Britney's latest blunder, and everything I know about the Olsen twins, I can come up with something. And I hope you will like it. Several new readers have emailed me (or IMed me, if we're tight like that) to tell me how great the blog is and to keep it up. I really really really am trying (in my head) and I can't make this one more thing I procrastinate on until it's irrelevant and permanently broken - a la my 4 year joke service, "SIFFBYMNSSY."

Also - POST! - it really does motivate me, and I think we all need to motivate each other. This is something I have learned from a new favorite blog of mine [http://malanbreton.blogspot.com/] - Malan Breton from season 3 of Project Runway. Yes, he is just the epitome of fabulosity. Kimora Lee Simmons - eat your botoxed heart out!

Oh Those Juicy Celebrities

2006-06-23T13:56:00.000-04:00

So, as many/most/all of you know, I really only have one hobby: celebrities. On top of the 11 magazines I subscribe to and the countless celebrity/enteretainment websites/blogs that I visit, I consume a vast proportion of my conversation with news, gossip, opinions, etc. of celebrities, movies, tv, and everything else in the entertainment world. This has been a habit of many years, although since entering law school (and befriending Sarine), this habit has become my life, an "obsession" if you will.

So I will start adding a lot more celebrity comments to this page. This is to train myself in the art of entertainment blogging (a la Perez Hilton) so that, one day, Sarine and I can start our own such blog and become celebrities in our own right (a la Perez).

1) I saw Janice from the "Sopranos" in Stuytown yesterday. Weird. Exciting. Totally GawkerStalked it (www.Gawker.com/Stalker)
2) I like Britney's black hair; dont care what others say. And I feel bad for her. What was she thinking doing an interview for the Today Show/Dateline w/o her publicist and stylist.
3) Justin & Cameron breakup: true or false?
4) RIP Selma Blair and Ahmet Zappa
5) If Aaron Spelling dies, how much do you think Tori will get? I'm saying 70 million. No no, it's not nice to talk like that after someone has a stroke. ......75?
6) Will ANYONE see XMen w/ me??????

Going to the chapel...

2006-06-23T13:53:00.000-04:00

My friends are all getting married. They just all run around marrying people and throwing weddings - an bouquets - reminding me that I'm not married and that I have no bouquet to throw (although I am NOT above ripping flowers from the ground and throwing then at strangers). So, a very big congratulations to:

Stevie & Romel - married May 27th, 2006

and

Kevin & Andrea - married May 28th, 2006

2 more weddings for this summer and then an autumn of depression and humus-eating w/ Inga.

a thinking point

2006-06-17T00:48:00.000-04:00

I came across a poem - well, was given a poem. Though I wrote poetry until high school, I was never one to analyze the "deep" poetry. But, if I have decoded this correctly, I think it fits my life right now perfectly. And also, I dont care how little its respected, I prefer a rhyming poem over all the others anyway. So I share this with you. The source has asked to remain anonymous. No, Sarine, not even you get to know who it is. Heh.

Broken Bends

Upon the arch we know so well,

Where honest voices dare not dwell,

With fierce demise of stength behold,

To warriors of stories told,

When breaths become but gasps for air,

And sight intrudes a longing stare,

We beat our hearts with fists clenched tight,

To remind those hearts of pain and fright,

But lines we've arched reach borrowed land,

The bends still fit through hand in hand,

Pain forgotten like truths in lies,

The jagged love that never dies.

~Anonymous

Excused?

2006-06-17T00:46:00.000-04:00

Finals, weddings, bridal showers, Boston orientation, the start of work.....do any of these excuse me from breaking my promise of updating more often?

If so, great. If not, there's a $10 Starbucks GiftCard in the mail for ya ;)

It's rough. You'll be updated.

Weird

2006-04-24T00:44:00.000-04:00

At 12:36am, just a few moments ago, I IMed Roy with "what r u wearing?" At that very same moment, Roy IMed Inga with "what r u wearing?" Also at that same exact moment, Inga IMed Roy with "what r u wearing?" We were all sitting in the same room, but all of us were silent.

I smell a spiritual connection....

Welcome to Miami

2006-04-19T20:46:00.000-04:00

Just got back from a glorious trip to Miami. Spring break aint what it used to be. I remember last year's skankfest of 24/7 partying. I feel like I've aged 10 years in 1 year. It was a relaxing trip; we partied a bit. But, honestly, I didn't even want or need a smidge of partying more than I got. I joined the calmer folk in the world, and it's overdue. I've retired the partying. "In moderation" is my new way of life.

But regardless, I am thankful to Roy, Marco ("Sparkle"), Paula, and Dennis for making the last 5 days relaxing and utterly enjoyable each and every second.

To the French!

the case of the most awesome dress EVER

2006-04-06T01:44:00.000-04:00

Let me tell you all a sob story:
About a year and a half ago, I found a cocktail dress at Bloomingdale’s. It was a silver Sue Wong flapper-style dress, with several tiers of heavily beaded fabric. It was really flattering, vibrant, and chic. I loved it. But, as with most things in life, I didn’t know how much I loved it until it was gone. The dress had been hung in my closet with several other dresses I bought from Bloomie’s that day. I told my mom to return the “day dresses” in my closet (I was at Lehigh at the time). I didn’t expect my own mother, who taught me the most important foundations of the fashion world, to mistake this obviously-evening appropriate dress with the summer-like floral day dresses. She returned it. I cried.

I went back to Bloomingdale’s a few weeks later, the first chance I had to return to New Jersey. It was gone. I spent the next few months of my life devoted to tracking down this dress. I called store after store after store. I visited department stores that carried Sue Wong designs – Saks, Bloomie’s, Lord & Taylor, etc. I traveled to New York, Philadelphia, Miami, etc. I spoke to Sue Wong representatives, both domestic and abroad, to try to find this dress.

To this day, the only remnant of the dress is a small digital picture, taken off of the Sue Wong website, of a small portion of the dress – a reminder the fabric, a reminder of what could have been. I often stare longingly at this picture. I experience a pain deep in my stomach when I come across similar styles of dresses, or shoes and purses that would have been perfectly pair with this dress of my dreams.

Fast forward to this past Saturday, when I went back to Bloomingdales to look at dresses with my mom. There, in the petite department, was the Sue Wong dress. I held it in my arms and, for the first time in a year, felt a spring of hope. That hope was shattered by a lazy Bloomingdale’s employee, who tried to track down this dress, in a non-petite size, at other Bloomie’s in the area. I told her I’d pay upfront and pay shipping to get this dress on my doorstep. She was an utter idiot, and couldn’t do what I was asking her to do (what she was trained and paid to do, may I add). In the end, she blatantly lied to my face, telling me it was only available in the petite size. I raised my shoulders and lowered my brow, flatly stating that I had previously owned the dress in the standard size and thus know for a fact that the dress comes non-petite. She shrugged and repeated her disgusting lie.

I tried on the petite dress. The fit was perfect, as it was 18 months ago, except for the foot and of fabric missing at the bottom. If I were petite, about a foot shorter, for example, the dress would have surely covered my ass. But I’m pretty darn tall, as you know, and just looked like a skank-ho in the dress. The classiness came from the perfect length of the original dress, and all my praying could not make the petite seem appropriate, let along PERFECT.

So, now, knowing that the dress is alive and well, and still being manufactured and sold in the United States, I return to my quest to find and own the dress once again. A fire has been lit, and it wont blow out until that dress is on my body. I will periodically post updates of my quest on this blog, to show the youngsters out there that as long as you don’t give up hope, any dream can be attained.

no objections

2006-03-30T15:52:00.000-05:00

For the first time – ever – I got a paying job! HURRAY!

I will be working for Ropes & Gray (a giant law firm) in Rockefeller Plaza, this upcoming summer. I will be working in the Litigation Department, on the Knowledge Management project, as well as standard paralegal work. I will not say how much they are paying me, but will disclose that it is an hourly rate, and it is sweeeeeet.

I am on cloud nine. I don’t care if this isn’t my dream job, this is my legal dream job. I guess I just see this is proof that I’m not a complete dumbass when it comes to law. I suppose, dreams aside, I am able to do this, and do it well. That feels good and raises my confidence in this field. I thought it may have been a fluke that I got into law school, but now, with this accomplishment under my belt, I’m starting to doubt that fluke theory.

My start date is May 30th. Stay tuned to posts about Lil Giggle-Byte in the working world. WAHOO!!!!!

go on and break a sweat

2006-03-30T01:42:00.000-05:00

Yes, the title of this post is a lyric from the song that the girls on “Saved By The Bell” sang when they made a music video and were almost signed to a label until Jessie took those caffeine pills and couldn’t perform at the Max. Stupid Jessie.

I joined a gym.

I have resisted exercise for so long, and my body has showed me recently that this can no longer go on. So, I joined Lucille Roberts last week. Why not go to Crunch or NY Health & Racket Club? Because I’m just not a fancy exerciser. I just need a few elliptical machines and treadmills – and a class or two of jazzercise or some shit like that. So, I was thrifty but I’m SO happy with the gym. I haven’t felt this good since….since I last worked out. On almost a daily basis, I am and will be at the gym. My goal is to take at least 3 classes a week and go to the gym at least 5 days a week. I’m gonna be a hottie for spring break, even if it hurts. (And, yes, it totally hurts today.)

So the moral of this post? Work out! It’ll make you happier, calmer, and more focused! And you’ll be a Hottie McHotster, like I hopefully will be soon.

clearing things up

2006-03-24T01:44:00.000-05:00

I’ve received a good amount of inquiry into my current love life, as well as my recent love life history. I take the time now to clear some things up:

Roy, a very good friend from law school (for those of you yet to meet him) became my counterpart in a lovely relationship that lasted 4 very enjoyable months. Several weeks ago, we mutually decided to end the relationship, for reasons that will not affect our friendship. I am currently single (Orlando Bloom, if you’re reading this….), and I am enjoying being single. I feel that each relationship, whether 4 months or 4 years, builds my character and makes me wiser. I am happy. I have more boyfriends waiting for me in the future, I hope and expect. I’m 22 and, after spending most of my high school and college time with one guy, want to meet people and experience different kinds of affection and adoration – whether in a relationship or friendship.

And as for Roy, he has been and continues to be a great friend. We still spend time together and bite our nails worrying about the ladies on Desperate Housewives (secret’s out). Friendship trumps breakup.

So, I think that is a good answer to the question, often asked in a dramatically sympathetic manner, of “How are you doing?” Breakups aren’t necessarily sad things – look at it in a different light sometimes.

ps: If you eat your breakup away, your WILL gain 16 lbs. – just saying…

the fate of “Diana’s History”

2006-03-22T17:13:00.000-05:00

As you can see, I am putting forth a tremendous effort to keep this blog updated, for the sake of its readers. It was originally intended as an outlet for my frustration, opinions, strike, and memorable moments or quotes. But there are two parts to a blog: its writer and its reader. And although my hectic schedule of late can bar me from expressing the things I want to on a timely basis, and that is fine with me, I would not want that schedule to bar others from reading what they enjoy reading. And if I can be a writer of someone’s reading of interest, I will uphold that responsibility.

It reminds me of SIFFBYMNSSY. That was the name of my daily joke service. It stood for “Stuff I Find Funny But You Might Not So Screw You.” Each and every day, I sent a joke to a group of about 100 readers. Each joke came with a little blurb about my day or opinion of something. 2-3 lines or so. SIFFBYMNSSY lasted for about 4 years. When I went on vacation, I sent a make up email for each day that I was away. If I forgot one day, I sent 2 emails the next day. Then I stopped. I just forgot, got too busy, etc. I always intended on coming back to it and sending out the 30 makeup emails I needed. But it was a big job and I was just too lazy. I held off on it, time after time, until the makeup emails required grew to 100+. Then I decided I should end it with a big goodbye email of some of the best jokes I could find. But as time went on, the idea of doing that out of the blue just seemed odd and out of place. So SIFFBYMNSSY just died, without warning, and faded away to a distant memory that creeps into my head every few months. Even the email account I sent the jokes from has been deleted. I suppose blogspot.com is forever. But I don’t want this blog to turn into another SIFFBYMNSSY, so I promise, here and now, to try harder.

Scout’s honor.

baby love

2006-03-20T23:49:00.000-05:00

Is anyone out there as excited about the celebrity baby boom as Sarine (law school friend) and me?

Gwyneth Paltrow, Gwen Stefani, Angelina Jolie, Luciana Barosa (Matt Damon’s wife), and maybe Brittney Spears (she might just be fat).

The excitement is overwhelming. I’m even excited about Katie Holmes, who might be fake-pregnant. Wahoo silly celebrities!!!

ps: the wait is over for Melania Trump's baby. It's a boy! Hurray for anothing immensely rich kid in America!

kickin it up a notch

2006-03-20T23:42:00.000-05:00

What did you do for lunch today? Au Bon Pain?

Well, my lunch was made and served by Mr. Emeril Lagasse!!!!
Adam and Amber got tix to be in the audience of his show. Although we were in the front of the line (they waiting uber-long), we were numbers 1, 2, and 3. Unfortunately, those brats with the VIP tix got to sit in those little tables in front of the audience. But since we're fun-loving American "kids," we were groovin' in our seats. Madam Executive Producer saw our spark and invited us to Emeril's "special friend table." So, we ate at the counter next to where he prepares his food! And we ate his food! And drank his wine! And shook his hand! And talked to him! AND WERE ON CAMERA!!!!! (1 more step in my path of fame).

On the menu today:
~oxtail with some sort of crazy sauce
~asian fish (coconut?) soup
~spanish rice and chicken
~roast pork with a subtle apple chutney
~grits with eggs, bacon, and cheese

Heavan? Pretty much. I will now respond to the name "Miss VIP."

BAM! HOORAH!

me, the birthday girl

2006-03-15T01:04:00.000-05:00

Monday, March 13th, was my birthday. I am now 22. Here are my thoughts on this:

1) I have been wondering, in the days leading up to my birthday, whether I truly experienced my 21st year properly. I spent 10 of the 12 months of my 21st year in law school, in a library, in a book. I traded the novelty of being “of age” with Prosser on Torts. However, I may just be comparing my experience to that of the people I have around me (particularly college friends). I need to learn that Lehigh isn’t normal – it’s crazy. As it seems, my 21st year, even in law school, trumped that of most of my non-Lehigh friends. I suppose living in NYC for half of this past year of my life has been pretty sweet for a 21 year old. I also suppose I have developed a fair balance between education and going wild. Mikeen recently told me I have calmed down significantly since entering law school. Several law school friends have continued to inquire how I’m still standing. I suppose I still have some calming down to do, and I guess (as it seems to me at this moment) that now that I’m not 21, I have no excuses and really need to let go of more craziness.

2) I am touched and amazed at how many people cared and acknowledged my birthday. I am disappointed in a select few, whom I fully expected and assumed would wish me a happy birthday. But that disappointment and irritation was overshadowed by the outpouring of calls, IMs, emails, Facebook msgs/wall posts, etc. People I have not seen nor spoken to in up to 4 or 5 years wished me the best. People who don’t have very close ties to me and are not expected to remember or care expressed their best wishes as well. It was touching, and it was the greatest present of this birthday. I thank you all and I treasure your outreach.

3) I found that I was very melancholy and apathetic when it came to my birthday. Sunday night (the night before my birthday), was a quiet evening, with me writing a legal brief. The entire weekend was pretty dull (with the exception of a lovely early evening with Elina). I needed and treasured the ability to spend 2 nights in, with no company, just relaxing. No drinking, no parties, just me, my brief, and Sopranos on demand. So when the clock turned 12 and I was officially 22, it was more of a shrugging moment rather than a moment of giddiness. I took a sip of wine, answered the first few birthday phone calls, and went back to the brief. My birthday morning was then marred by an important interview (constituting a very early wake up). The day itself was not the birthday day I am used to. It was mellow and….i suppose “grown-up.” I enjoyed a lovely lunch with fellow law school students, which was great. I finished the brief. I attended a fabulous dinner at Turkish Kitchen (3rd between 27th and 28th – highly recommend it) with my parents, Vicki, and Mikeen (my friends who can pass as family). Then I enjoyed a some bar time with Mikeen, Marco, and Sabrina. It was low key but it was fun. I suppose I realized that birthdays get less important and crazy as the years go on and nothing seemed weird about having a mellow birthday. I didn’t feel like shouting “It’s my birthday!” from the rooftops. I just felt like have a nice day with no complaints.
*I say all this now, not realizing that Saturday brings a whole different kind of celebration, a truly Diana crazy celebration. Goodbye mellow, hello face dive.

4) My parents and grandparents rock and really make me feel special on my birthday (and a lot of other days of the year).

5) Red roses make me feel glamorous. Bright colored ones make me feel joyful. Both rock.

Happy Birthday to me, from me :)

Yeah Yeah Yeah 405

2006-03-09T23:48:00.000-05:00

(the fellow 405-ers, separated by gender for aesthetic -not religious- reasons)

It’s time to address my trip to Israel. For those who don’t know, I went on a Birthright trip. January 2nd – January 12th. The 10 best days of my entire life. How can I make such a strong statement? Well, it went far beyond the fun or friendships made. It’s about the effect this trip had on my life, on my future.

First, may I say that any young Jewish person in the world is a complete and utter DUMBASS if they don’t go on this trip. It doesn’t matter how much you believe in Juadaism or how religious you have been – if one of your parents is Jewish, go on this trip, or my respect for you drops about 10-15 points. It’s free. There are no excuses. You can go on this trip with 50 dollars in your pocket and be fine. All you have to pay for is lunch. Even if you end up paying for drinks or buying souvenirs, you are still saving yourself money by getting out of the U.S.

The trip is educational. Sure, that doesn’t sound fun, and it certainly wasn’t after several sleepless nights and showerless days. But I learned more in 10 days than I have through all of college. I actually know what’s going on in the Middle East. It’s sort of embarrassing not to, no?

But for me, not everyone, the trip taught me what it really actually meant to be Jewish. It’s more than being Kosher (which I’m not) or going to Temple (which I generally don’t). It’s about blood; it’s about ancestry; it’s about the future of the Jews. We were the first people on this Earth, and we might not last long. That’s pretty sad. We’ve survived pogroms, the Holocaust, and terrorism. But you know what we can’t survive much longer? Dissemination.

Let’s put this in law school terms:
A, a jew, grows up with little religion in his life. He marries B, a gentile, who also grew up with little religion in her life. They have a child, X. They live in Americal, the land-o-gentiles. X knows that his father is Jewish. But Christmas is just so damn fun!!! Hurray for Santa! Even if X is taught about Judaism, even if X goes to Hebrew school, when the child needs to choose a religion, will he choose fasting on Yom Kippur or searching for candy-filled eggs on Easter? The choice is pretty clear. Even if X decides to go with the Judaism (rare, but possible), X will one day meet a pretty gentile girl. Since X grew up in a mixed religion home, he will be unlikely to turn his back on the pretty blonde chick. X’s kids, Y and Z, will then be even less attatched to Judaism. And the cycle continues, until everyone turns to the gentile race, and sings “Jingle Bells” in one big happy Christmas festival.

The point is, a Christian person doesn’t need to work hard to keep Christianity in the home because American television, radio, stores, and population supply enough Christianity for 40,000 popes. It’s the minority that needs to work harder to preserve and continue their ideals, their heritage.

The argument is posed: “What if you met someone you fell in love with? Would you turn your back on them because they’re not Jewish?” My answer is that I will NEVER love a single human being as much as I love the Jewish race.

Can I force every Jew to marry other Jews? Sadly, no. Am I happy about Jews dating/marrying non-Jews? Nope, not at all. But I am not going to be part of it. I’d feel like I was part of the killing off of the Jews. It’s not terrorism, but its effect is similar in time.

Now that I’ve said my piece, and explained why this trip changed my life, I have to say, not everyone feels this way after this trip. I may be one of a handful of people who walked away with such opinions. So it’s NOT a brainwashing trip. You get from it what you’re looking for. I got guidance. If all you’re looking for is fun, you’ll totally find that too. Let’s not forget my sloshed night in Tel Aviv. Well, I did but no one was expecting me to remember a night like that ;) Dancing on tables in Eilat? Too amazing for words.

And I must shoutout to the best Birthright Group EVER – Group 405! We may not have been one big happy family all the time, but there was love, lots of it, and it was tender. And I know that a lot of them will be good friends of mine for years to come.

ps: I rode a camel! Before sobering up! Wahoo!

For more info about Birthright, and the opportunity to live 10 free amazing days in the most beautiful country ever, go to www.IsraelFree.org

pseudo-january posting

2006-02-28T01:01:00.001-05:00

This is my January post. However, it's a farse. It's actually the end of February but I have to apologize and concentrate on the month I missed to post in.

It's been a while since my last post. I will blame it on: a trip to Israel, the start of a new semester, Valentine's Day, Groundhog's Day (why not?), my relationship with Roy, and probably a lot of other things. Most of those topics, btw, will be addressed tonight, so dont you worry your pretty little heads.

Some big January (and early February) things not mentioned above include:
-My dad's 45th bday (Hurray!) - yeah, I was probably a mistake.
-Dove's Superbowl Ad - finally, addressing the fact that the media and actually ALL the world makes everything girl in this country feel like fat ugly losers - THANK GOD i have Inga to tell me otherwise...but not everyone has an Inga in their lives.
-the AMAZING "Code Black" 2-part episode of "Grey's Anatomy" that pulled the show to amazing heights an onto my life of "must see" television programs.

Yeah, that's about it.
yaaaay January!

The 1L Serenade

2005-12-20T20:47:00.000-05:00

So studying completely sucks. My last final is tomorrow. Couldn't be more excited. Big party night tomorrow kiddies! Although I have a lot more to say, Civil Procedure is my life tonight so I will leave you instead with a love poem written by some 1L at a different law student (1L = first year law student). For those of you not in law school, it may not be very funny as he references legal terms (first year legal terms to be exact) in about every line. (Legal terms in italics.) But for anyone else knee deep in this crap, enjoy:

The 1L Serenade

When you need a break from studying Torts,
Just come on over, and pull off my shorts.
I won’t be Neglectful as I caress your booty,
And I promise I won’t stick it where you make your “Duty”

There will be some hair pulling, and a whole lot of biting
I’ll work you harder than that memo you did in Legal Writing
You’ll want to take it slowly, so that we can last all night
But I’ll be so eager to violate your Due Process Rights

Issue, Rule, Application, Conclude…
I’ll eat you girl, like some delicious food
Come join me in bed, we’ll mutually assent
I’ll put a ring on your finger, and pay all your rent

After a long night of cramming, nothing makes me hotter
Than bending you over and knowing the difference between murder and manslaughter
Those other guys in your section, they’re just a bunch of jerks
Now pull out my Palsgraf…and I’ll give you a real package of fireworks

Now take off your shirt, and bring out some lotion
Girl I’m going to give you a taste, of my Rule 12(b)6 Motion
Gaze at me lovingly, look lustfully into my eyes
Now grab all my cases, and click, “Shepardize”

Your heaving rack, its more than I can stand
It’s hard to control, my Learned Hand
I can’t keep it in, I’ve got quite a load
My unit is so big, its governed by the Uniform Commercial Code

I want to plow your fields, ride you like farmers ride their tractors
Dinner and a movie are going to be our mitigating factors
We’ll bring it back to my place, and really raise the roof
I won’t stop lovin you girl, until we’ve both met our burden of proof.

So heed this poem, you know you are my obsession
I wanna engage your chest in some adverse possession
This is an open invite, of indefinite duration
You are always welcome to come over and grab my statute of limitation.

poisonous clown killing death balloons

2005-12-09T18:14:00.000-05:00

My week has been one in which each day ends at 2am, at which time I leave my study efforts at school and endure the cold walk home. On the one hand, it is a torturous process of incredible pain. On the other, I suppose I am learning. And I suppose that is rewarding. Finding something on sale that fits perfectly is equally, if not more, rewarding. So, yeah, that leaves me with conversations such as these:

chika 3 13: haha im still in school - how sad is that
DRwHiTeGuY: sadder than a clown that just lost his balloons
chika 3 13: thats pretty damn sad :-(
DRwHiTeGuY: unless they were poisonous clown killing death balloons
chika 3 13: fair point....touche
DRwHiTeGuY: moral is.... clowns are no good swindlin tricksters
DRwHiTeGuY: that need to be cleansed of our culture
chika 3 13: will u lead the movement?
DRwHiTeGuY: i have 4 in my basement right now
DRwHiTeGuY: and theyre all connected , in series, to a car battery with the electrodes clipped to their balls

I truly do not think I will ever meet anyone else in my entire life who is quite like matt. "Oh no! Ha ha!"

IMs rock my world

2005-12-05T15:59:00.000-05:00

In reference to a party the night before:

AndreaLU05: we were both molested while we were passed out . . .we need new friends
chika 3 13: yeah....or we need to stop passing out drunk

------------------------------------------------------------

In reference to the greatest television exercise video guru in the world:

AnotherLibertine: it's fitness made simple!
AnotherLibertine: with sexy john basedow!

I <3 funny IMs - they are need in this cruel cruel world of ours...

anyone up for saki bombs?

2005-12-05T15:53:00.000-05:00

I'd written a blog a bit ago about how no one understands the whole "Mikeen = Mike Kuehn" thing. But this just takes the cake:

(20:42:01) Inga: mikeen is here too
(20:42:06) Inga: does that sway you
(20:42:10) Will: what is mikeen?
(20:42:13) Will: is that a japanese beer?
(20:42:20) Inga: mike keuhn
(20:42:26) Inga: dianas exbf

HAHAHAA! Japanese beer! Boy, I laughed about that for weeks.....

debase my self asteem

2005-12-05T15:43:00.000-05:00

I love the phrase "debase my self asteem." It may be because "debase" was one of the first 5 dollar words I'd ever learned in my childhood. (*$5 word = smarter sounding synonym to usually used word). Saying "debase" made me feel smart. So, in a way, muttering the phrase "debase my self asteem" actually strengthened my self asteem. OH THE IRONY!!! In fact, I love the phrase so much, it was part of how I got a high school teacher fired...but that story doesn't matter right now.

What I'm getting at (I know, my build up usually drags on) is confidence. My confidence was completely shot down a few days ago. The details matter very little, just about as much as the person behind the blow to my confidence matters. And for the first time in my life, "debase" just didnt cut it anymore...and I couldn't find a strong enough word to describe what was taken away. Yes, it was sad, very very sad.

But tonight, after I returned from Stevie's bridal shower (I had to place that in, because I'm so frickin happy for her and felt like crying throughout the whole thing), I had the following conversation with her in regards to my last blog entry:

jerseyreefergirl: omg omg that was THE SINGLE MOST GREATEST BLOG ENTRY EVER!!! I just want to be like you. Is that too much to ask???
chika 3 13: hahahaaaa i adore u
jerseyreefergirl: pure poetry
jerseyreefergirl: so if this law school thing doesn't work out, i'm pretty sure you could just publish your blog and make people pay
chika 3 13: awww
jerseyreefergirl: i would
jerseyreefergirl: maybe not that much but i def would
jerseyreefergirl: jk
chika 3 13: im really glad u like it
jerseyreefergirl: oh honey "like" isn't even the word

With Torts making me feel cheap and used each day, and other factors in my life weighing me down as well, I like to know that my free (not legal) writing still remains, and I'm not a complete waste of space. It's hard to hold on to your self respect, confidence, and any other feelings we are taught to protect at an early age. And I suppose there are people, events, exams, etc. in everyone's lives that try to tug at their self-worth. And I also suppose that is why we have friends. We can party with strangers, but we get our boosts from our friends.

So, I will continue using "debase" knowing that after having my self esteem is debased, something still remains. So keep on debasin.

a bitch and a half

2005-12-01T22:04:00.000-05:00

Wouldja look at that? She's not dead! Hurray!

Yes, I'm a bitch (and a half) for not updating this thing often enough for you to flock to the site on a daily basis, in tittling anticipation for news on my ever exciting world of danger and romance. But I give you my sturdy (open) promise that I will update regularly (does monthly constitute regularly?) But dont blame me, blame the judicial system.

I have not, contrary to belief, been spending my time with Ricardo, the Portugese cheese heir who flies me around the world on his private jet, as we sip Snapples out of ruby-encrusted goblets and mock the little people/peasants who shop at Gap. Instead, I sit, as I do at this very moment, in the stupid library of the stupid school that is teaching me the stupid law. I sit here until midnight, at which time the maintenance people kick me out and I embarassingly sulk out of the school as all the lights are being shut off. This is my life...at least until December 21st (my last final).

Here's the coolest part of my new lifestyle: I dont know shit. As I have been a protegy my entire life (Harvard accepted me at the age of 12...but I opted out of Doogie-Houser-land for a shot at a normal life at the Garden State Plaza), I have never experienced a situation in which all the studying in the world doesn't make me any more knowledgable. I read and read and read and yet Torts (the bain of my existance) still makes no sense. Somewhere out there, Prosser is laughing at me.

*footnote 1: Prosser is a guy; he is like the grandaddy of Torts - wrote theories, made love
**footnote 2: Torts is not a cake. Torts is pretty much civil law and all the philosophies of it

So due to these upcoming finals, I am not answering most of my phonecalls, ignoring most of my IMs, and barring anyone from even thinking of coming to NYC to visit me, unless they have reason to do so. Law is my family, friends, and all other aspects of life for the next 3 weeks. I ask for nothing but patience.

*And not for your guidance - I dont buy the whole "do what you love" thing. I love money, and plan on making a lot of it...and that's why I'm sticking with law school, so save the "Chicken Soup for the Soul" crap for the next guy you pass on the edge of a bridge, crying "Tina, I love you! I'm dead with out you!" into his Nokia.

so fly

2005-10-30T15:54:00.000-05:00

It's all about feeling good about things, isn't it? That's what we do, 24/7, 365. We rationalize in our heads. We spin things into a positive light. We stay sane. When something bad happens, we assure ourselves that it happened for a reason and that something good came out of it. We take lemons and make them into lemonade.

I live for these things. I, at all times, must feel good about everything in my life. Nothing can bother me. If it does bother me, it is only allowed to bother me for several hours and then I accept it as something good. I may not be sure about being a lawyer, but I've assured myself that law school is a necessity for my life - regardless of what I actually go into.

Inga and I have four new pets. What does this have to do with my introduction? Keep reading.

4 flies flew into our apartment because there are no screens on the windows but we enjoy some fresh oxygen once in a while, leaving us with a full invitation for anyone to fly right in an join our humble home. These four flies did just that. For this entire week, I expressed dislike and anger towards these flies, chasing them with rolled up newspapers (or my dustbuster) and seriously considering investing in a fly-swatter.

But, today, Inga and I decided to accept these flies as our pets. We surely are too irresponsible to take care of any creature that required food, exercise, love, or fresh air - so these flies are perfect. And now we just watch the flies, talk to the flies, and - like any good pet-owner - name the flies.

So may I announce that we are now the proud mommy and mommy to our new wonderful pets: Frank, Ullyses, Betty Grable, and Killer. They will be loved.

It's amazing that all one must do is see a situation in a different way to accept it and love it. They're not annoying insects, but our new pets. You cant be angry about that, can you?

The positive light feels great.

The "Snap" to my "Crackle, pop"

2005-10-29T20:20:00.000-04:00

I heart my roomie an unhealthy amount. I will periodically give more information as to why this is so, and share with you all the antics, antidotes, and each and every morning cuddle.

For now, here is an example of what our online conversations are:
AnotherLibertine: hey sugartots
chika 3 13: i wish u had said "sugar tits"
AnotherLibertine: i tried
AnotherLibertine: typo
AnotherLibertine: (the i and the o are right next to eachother)

Furthermore, Inga, my love, has used her entire "About Me" section on her Facebook profile to write this:
In high school, I knew a sexy girl, a little bit straight edge, with a nice long-term boyfriend and a knack for that Kevin Bacon Game.
That girl is a shadow--a mere whisper of a suggestion of the gorgeous, slutty, problem-drinking 6-Degrees CHAMPION who now shares my beautiful stuy town apartment.
Basically, our house is a party, all the time. And when it's not a party, that just means we're lying in the Queen bed, hotboxing Martha Stewart style.
Oh, and we cuddle like it's a business and we're making
MONEY.

Now, that's love.

a visual

2005-10-15T20:06:00.000-04:00

Andrea, dressed as "Lehigh Lager" (yes, a giant beer bottle), at the Halloween Date Party '03.

Can't explain the plastic carrot.

Ode to Andrea

2005-10-15T20:03:00.000-04:00

Let me tell you about Andrea.

I am what I am today because of Andrea. It was a mere three years ago that I was the calm, law abiding young lady most of you had known. Then Andrea entered my life and nothing was the same. Anytime you saw me do something crazy, heard about it, or saw pictures of it, it was due to Andrea. Every morning I woke up and heard, “damn girl…you so crazy” (yeah, people say that, so what?), it was due to Andrea. We are all born with an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. Andrea came into my life and decided that my devil wasn’t doing a good job so she took his place and sat on my left shoulder. Then she spiked the angel’s drink and he was never the same either.

I’ve come to learn that best friends don’t exists. Everyone has a friend for a different purpose – we have our friends to cry with, friends to go clubbing with, friends to study with, etc etc. Andrea is my friend to raise hell with. Andrea, in short, is the Fonze.

And I realize now that that was what I’d been missing prior to her arrival. A friend of mine from law school asked if having such a crazy college time was, in hindsight, a bad idea. I said I couldn’t have been prouder of my actions. Everyone needs a bit of time in their lives when they throw caution into the wind and live like…well…a true college student – no responsibilities. For every time I failed to ask myself “What are the consequences of what I’m doing right now?,” I am glad. For every time I felt unhealthy, went to the hospital, had a run in with the law, regretted the night before, had to avoid certain males, or made an enemy, I am glad. Cause, babe, it was a hell of a ride.

Thanks for the ride, Smandrea.

Getting Irritated

2005-10-03T00:14:00.000-04:00

Paris & Paris split? WHAT A SHOCK!

I just have to say right now that these celebrities are just getting ridiculous. I wonder where they’d be if we outlawed divorce/annulment. Stop dating, getting engaged, marrying, divorcing, etc. for publicity. It’s sad, I don’t buy it, you’re cheap.

Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes – I hope you both give each other some nasty STDs. You make me sick.

Windex & Cable boxes

2005-09-29T22:28:00.000-04:00

I. Have. An. Apartment. I truly can’t believe it. Perhaps due to my strong connection with home, and the babying I endure there, it is hard to believe that I now answer to no one at my new home. But its not just about that independence. It’s about the responsibility. I’ve never had responsibility before in my entire life. I’ve never owned a pet. My entire life, from cleaning to cooking, was taken care for me in New Jersey. And no matter what college handbooks say, dorm life is not an example of responsibility. I don’t know anyone who cleans they're own bathroom in their dorm or deals with rent & utilities. I suppose if I’d lived off campus, it would have been different – but even with that I’m just not sure. I don’t know if 122 E. 4th St. (Casa chez Mike & Noah) compares to the feeling of living in Manhatten, in one’s own apartment, like…..Carrie Bradshaw. [I’m sounding like one of those girls who compares everything in life to “Sex & the City.”]

But everything here is so fast and everyone is so different. I finally feel like I’ve grown up. Every subway trip, dinner party, and even every time I put the master key into the lock on the entrance to the lobby of my building makes me feel a bit older. I’ve entertained several groups of people already (although the housewarming party is not until October), and it feels great. I love cooking, who would’ve thought that?!? I also love cleaning - so far. Doing dishes makes the dinner feel complete. WIndexing anything makes me feel good. I Windex about six times a day. I <3 Windex.

Last night I sat in the living room, reading Torts and eating peppers & hummus. Inga, my crazy Russian roomie (whom I adore and who truly completes me at this point of my crazy city life), tried to work out the cable box and wireless router. Through phonecalls to customer service, untangling wires, and dipping peppers into hummus, it turned into a real person experience. I’m a real person. I love it. I’m not a college student, a high school student, a dependant, etc. I’m a real person with a real place, in a real city, and I don’t know how I got here – but I’m so glad I did.

We’re not in Kansas anymore.

HOME SWEET HOME

Disillusionment vs. Gratification

2005-09-28T18:18:00.000-04:00

Bride-to-be, fellow Theta, Woodfields enthusiast, my Prague partner-in-crime: Stevie.

Stevie loves my blog. The insanity of my life is played out like a soap opera – though not as captivating as Days of Our Lives – on the World Wide Web. Stevie is, without doubt, my most loyal reader. And for that I am grateful.

Stevie said something interesting to me several days ago. She told me she caught up with the last few entries I’d written and, when asked what she thought about it, she replied that I am “a roller coaster of emotion.” That’s left me thinking about several things for the past few days. Am I a roller coaster of emotion? Why am I so emotional? What emotions do I exude in my blog, and in person?

I know that I am playing a tug-of-war with my decision to enter law school. I wont quit because there’s nothing to quit for. I’ve just had a lot more time to think and reevaluate my life choices and so, no, I don’t had law school. Yes, I’m glad I’m in law school….b/c it is truly my greatest feasible option. Are there things I’d rather have done? Surely. But don’t most people think like that? I’m sure my parents never said that when they grew up, they wanted to be a) a systems analyst for CitiGroup and b) a medical administrator. I’m friends with too many accountants to think that they all chose that route out of a love of cubicles and calculators. We all my choices based on reason – some of us more than others.

As for the emotion I’ve demonstrated towards this cause in my blog…well, I suppose I just never wanted this blog to be a daily journal of who I saw, who pissed me off, and what I did. I wanted it to chronicle my reflections. I find it rare for reflections to be void of all emotion. So I suppose I always expected my entries to be emotional. The emotions vary. I suppose the most popular this season are: confusion, frustration, and disillusionment. However, also included are: accomplishment, gratification, and an overall warm feeling towards the people around me who make up my immediate environment. I have become a bit irresolute since college but have regained an appreciation and understanding towards people around me. Perhaps it was the whole sorority thing, or the quality of men at Lehigh (and by men I mean….), but I am much more tolerant with different people because I’m surrounded by a much lower amount of pettiness and superficiality than I was just months ago.

So, I’ve come to realize since Stevie’s comment (which I’m grateful for….as it initiated my self-analysis), that I’m happy that I can balance out negative emotions with positive ones in a healthy way. This is no longer a situation in which I fume over Theta things until I go out to a party and go nuts in self-induced happiness. I think I just needed to calm down.

Thank you Stivvers – come visit :)

Happy Autumn

2005-09-27T22:15:00.000-04:00

9am – woke up
10am – got to school
10:15 – felt sick

....and that’s where the day ended. Yes, I attended a seminar and 3 classes after that, but my brain wasn’t there – instead, it was frying in the fever of my head.

I don’t do well with changes in weather.

Hello sick season.

no way out?

2005-09-20T20:33:00.000-04:00

Several days ago, my parents quickly made mention to a friend of a friend of a friend who will be at the party we’re going to on Sunday. She’s young, mid 20s, who works for a movie company. She’s apparently incredibly talented and has written many screenplays for the company. Makes good money; lives a good life.

Since that day, she is all I have thought about. She is living my dream life. She writes. She writes what she wants to write. She gets paid to write what she wants to write. She is in the entertainment business. TV. Films. CELEBRITIES.

I’m in law school.

Why am I in law school? This isn’t my dream. I’ve just always thought of my dream as unattainable. It’s like the star quarterback in high school who dreams of playing for the NFL but realizes that getting to the NFL is so unfeasible, he instead decides to go into sports medicine.

Law School is my safe road. Journalism as a major was my safe road. College was a safe road. I’m so afraid of going on that unattainable road, I’ve stayed in my lane – a lane that suits who I am – a lane that I can drive on safely and can handle without too many detours.

I told my parents that I should've gone into screenwriting. They asked why I didn’t. I told them they wouldn’t have supported me in becoming a “starving artist” – they told me I didn’t even remotely try. They’re right.

I should have been writing – AND FINISHING – screenplays. I should have been sending them around to companies…somehow. But I couldn’t. Instead, I had to do the school thing, the LSAT thing, the application thing, the internship thing, and now the law school thing. I always felt that concentrating on the writing and making my way to Paramount Studios would have detracted from on of those other things and they would have left me in the middle road without fully attaining my dream goal and my realistic goal. Not a successful filmmaker but not a successful lawyer instead.

So, I just picked the easy way out and now I wonder, “Is it too late?”

Have I wasted my only talent, my dream, my one chance of walking on the red carpet?

Will my name never appear on a big screen?

If I had a great opportunity to leave my legal studies for the film industry, knowing that it’s not a risk but an attainable option, I’d do it in a second and not look back. I just doubt that Steven Spielberg is going to stumble onto my blog and say “Oh, I like her writing, lets hire her.” But if anyone out there happens to know him (Polanski, Burton, Marshall, etc. also suffice), please – send him to this site.

Errr...duh....

2005-09-09T20:09:00.000-04:00

PS: Mikeen = Michael John Kuehn

I was surprised that many of the girls in my sorority, including close friends who had known and partied with Mike for over a year, thought his first name was actually Mikeen. Yes he’s dark, but that doesn’t mean he’s exotic. lol. Lauren & Brittney? No better, same misconception. So let me clear it up.

Mike Kuehn when said quickly is just one word: Mikeen.
Mikeen: nickname, not given name.

Thank you.

BLT on toast

2005-09-09T20:00:00.000-04:00

I've never felt that a girl needs good girlfriends around her. I've never needed female support. I've been content with the males in my life (most of the time). In fact, I’ve found females to be a nuisance. Most of the turmoil and drama I experienced in college was the result of being friends with girls. I’m pretty sure that 2 years of living in a sorority house took off a good 4 years of my life. If I looked hard enough, I’m sure I could find a gray hair on my head as the result of the “sisterhood bond” I was apparently encompassed in. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret joining a sorority and I don’t regret living there, but I don’t see it as a lifetime bond that I’ve entered into. I think that sororities are like communism = a lovely idea and an admirable effort but a utopia none-the-less and there for impossible to implement correctly. Its an idealistic community – 60 girls who love each other and will donate a kidney to any of their sisters and a moments’ notice. Join a sorority, find your bridesmaids, make bonds for life. Yeehaw!

What the sorority gave to me was a handful of good friends who are not necessarily my soulmates but never-the-less provided me with some damn good times and good memories, and who will likely do the same in the future. The sorority for me was primarily a system in which I paid the price of dealing with female bullshit for the payment of an unhealthily entertaining social life. For that alone, I am grateful.

So, when Mikeen (for strangers out there in cyberland, that is my ex-boyfriend and one of my best friends) and Adam (another one of my best friends) told me that they’d met 2 female coworkers that they’d been hanging out with often, I wasn’t excited. I wasn’t excited when they eagerly told me that I had to meet them. I wasn’t expecting much when I did finally hang out with them as well.

Lauren & Brittany.

After just a short month of hanging out with the two of them, I can say that I am severely pleasantly surprised. It took 2 nights of spending time with Brittany and Lauren along with Mikeen and Adam, for me, Lauren, and Brittany to be ready and willing to spend a night w/o the boys. It was fabulous. Never have I entered into a new friendship so quickly and to such an extent.

I can say that after just 4 weeks, I consider them to be two of my closest friends. Sadness fell upon us when Brittany had to go back to Boston University. It was sadder than saying goodbye to even some of the friends I’ve had for years (but not all obviously). My saving grace was Lauren’s presence. For some reason, knowing that Lauren will be around for the year makes saying goodbye to others much easier.

Brit (left) & Laur

I was wrong to prejudge Lauren and Brittany due to their gender. Girls are ruled by ridiculous hormones that govern their tears, shouts, gossip, backstabbing, mood-swings, and each & every evil glare. In a way, we cannot be blamed for our innate insanity, but that doesn’t leave society, both male and female, from averting themselves from this behavior, and in a way, from the female society itself. I am not advovating a change in the view of females as a whole – go ahead girls, hate other girls – 9 out of 10 times, your trepidation is justified and will be proven within a week.

I however, have found two female friends who I know have proven and will continue to prove to be a welcomed addition to my life.

I look forward to more “Brittany Lauren Time.” BLT’s are good: especially if you have the munchies.

My Legacy

2005-09-06T00:06:00.000-04:00

It's good to know there are things out there that remind people of me. I've left my imprint on the world.

roCoCobaNaNa: omg im watching this movie called angela's ashes and its about this really poor irish family during the potato famine and they live in the gutter...and the boy got viral conjuctivitus!

i believe the children are our future...

2005-09-06T00:04:00.000-04:00

....teach them well and let them lead the way...

Thank you, Witney Houston, for a very important lesson. I've applied it in advising Rochelle, the coolest high schooler I know.

x0 fallout 0x: no kidding.. i have my first class at 730! wtffffff
chika 3 13: that sucks man
chika 3 13: drop out
x0 fallout 0x: i wish.. its legal issues,, mom wont let

It's good to know she understands the value of a legal education...and what enforces that value against her will.

L'chaim

2005-09-04T03:09:00.000-04:00

Where did the past 13 years go? I know where the last 3 or so years went...and it definitely did a number on my health...and wallet. Good times good times.

But otherwise, it seems that I have blinked and my baby brother is not a teenager. That's freaky. Tomorrow is his Bar Mitzvah. For all the none-jews out there in cyberland who are complete morons and live in a bubble, a Bar Mitzvah is the ultra-hip way of becoming a man or woman - besides doing the deed but hopefully that comes later...seeing as the Bar/Bat Mitzvah thing happens at age 12/13...although I guess thats an appropriate age if you're from Kansas. Anyway, its sort of a big deal and tomorrow is my brother's. So I have hours and hours of pasting to do tonight b/c I need to have a scrapbook/sign-in book done by tomoro at 10 am. My fingers are scarred from the hot glue gun and I have sequins attatched to my left big toe...I dont have a clue how that happened.

I tried to explain to my mom why leaving it to the last second was the only option and how, little did she know, I had done the same with every single task I had ever been given since 9th grade, and I'm doing just fine. She had no reaction. I feel as though she wanted to be angry but couldnt justify her anger b/c the technique worked for me just fine and she knows it.

Procrastination, that is what I was just talking about. My brother's Bar Mitzvah. Doing the deed. It's incredible, isn't it? In the same country as I talk about those trivial topics, there are people living like savages in what could seem like a 3rd world country. Americans. In America.

Reading about Hurrican Katrina and its aftermath is just shocking. It's almost like reading a novel or reading an international report about some tiny little country where people eat sand. But its not. Its the U. S. of frickin A. A woman was on the news a few nights ago who described, through her tears, how her husband had died at her feet the day before. He didnt die of injuries from the flooding or from a calapsed house. He died of heat stroke. He was dying at his wife's feet as she tried frantically to wave down passing police cars (they were on the side of a highway). The police ignored her cries for help. Her husband died.

People are living among corpses in the convention center. Police cant really do anything about the young men running around with visible guns, shooting people, looting abandoned stores, raping girls. They are living like animals. They are living among human waste, decomposing bodies, while starving, baking in the sun, and hallucinating from dehydration. This is driving distance away. This is in our freaking country. Why cant we get them by boat? Why cant we get them by helicopter.

I watched CNN report from a helicopter that was hovering about a rooftop. The camera in the helicopter zoomed in on the people on the roof who were begging, literally begging, for help. They were waving white shirts and towels. They had signs that said "Help Us." One many had a sign that said "Diabetic, will die soon with no food." And CNN just kept hovering. THROW DOWN A LADDER. It was heart-wrenching.

I never understood how people outside the tri-state area could go one with their lives so soon after 9/11. Like 2 days later, they resumed their normal lives. 9/11 was the topic of a good amount of conversations, and they saw stuff on TV about it. But it didnt consume their lives like it did ours. I dont remember talking, watching, or thinking about anything besides the World Trade Centers for months and months after 9/11. I thought the rest of the country was doing the same. It wasnt until college, when I met people who didnt consider New York their playground, that I realized that others did go on quickly and didnt consider 9/11 to be the most important thing in their lives.

It wasnt until this week that I fully understand their position and accepted it. Because I became those people. I cried when watching the news - the first time. My heart aches when I read or watch the reports about it. But I have gone to bars, went shopping, discusses law/entertainment topics, and read an Elle Magazine. My life went on and Hurrican Katrina didn't rule my life. I doubt I could say that if I lived in the south right now. Its just humanly impossible to care as much as you would if it was your area. Proximaty makes a world of difference.

Tomorrow (well, since its 3am I guess I should say "today"), I will celebrate my brother's life. At the same time, thousands upon thousands will be mourning the dead - if they even find out if their loved ones are dead or not. I can't do jack shit for the people of the south as they could do nothing for me when I mourned the dead 4 years ago. I can only say, L'chaim (hebrew for "to life) and hope that more people than not can do the same soon.

we are the world

2005-09-04T03:07:00.000-04:00

One more note regarding Hurricane Katrina and then I promise I'm done.

This is an article from CNN about what different countries in the world are doing to try to help us. I dont have much patriatism when it comes to America but this article made me feel some patriatism towards earth in general...if that is possible. [so basically I suppose I am saying that earth totally beats mars any day?....yeah....]

anyway, in case you want some info: http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/09/03/katrina.world.aid.reut/index.html

To spontaneity, naptime, and vintage ads! Hurrah!

2005-08-30T23:25:00.000-04:00

I sat in a library yesterday back in the routine I'd adopted for the summer but had broken apart from for but a week. Cases to read; briefs to writ; sporatic IMs to check and respond to.

Adam and Mike Nurick's band, 9 Leaves (REALLY GOOD), was performing at Lehigh for Rock la Casa (a philanthropic event....sorority girls giving back to the world...and all that jazz.) I was the bridge for this gig. Playing the part of an agent, I was unable to attend.

Then a spark of life shot back into my mind. I was determined to go to Lehigh. Nevermind we are in the middle of work on our first day of the new semester. Nevermind that we class the next day. Nevermind that we must venture from NY to NJ and finally PA. This was going to happen.

To make a long story short - 4 hours later, Aaron, Brittney, Lauren, and I arrived at Lehigh to see Mikeen, Jen, Sherna, Adam, Mike Nurick, Amber and all the Lehigh-ians I'd thought I wouldnt see until November (Le/Laf baby!)

The night was no big chaotice ruckus - not a Lehigh bash of sorts. But it was compulsive, irresponsible, surprising to pull off, and basically everything I wanted for so long. It's been so long since I could just do something spur of the moment that wasn't a smart idea but meant that I was young and still had freedom. Gone are the days of Dickinson/Delaware road trips and impromptu drinkfests. This however, brought me back, and yesterday was cloud nine night for me.

Didn't effect me well in class today. Note to self: save the obvious class-time naps for at least the 2nd class...particularly if your teacher was raised by Stalin and the woman in those vintage military ads:

This is truly the first professor who just tries to make students fear her. No typing notes in class? No bathroom breaks in the 90 min. class? Puhlease. Lady, you gotta try harder to impress me. POSER!

Giving In

2005-08-28T15:13:00.000-04:00

So I've stretched the procrastinating of an explanation or recap of this summer of law fun for as long as I possibly could. Many of you have told me to get my act together and just write about it but it just seemed like such a tedious task. There's so much to say and my fingers will get tired from typing. How do you describe a giant change in your life - scenery, peers, lifestyle, etc. - in a short enough post that people wont find daunting to read? I suppose this intro isnt helping.

Law school is.....

I have no idea.

I'm always asked how law school is, what I think of it thus far, etc etc. All I can say is that it's different. It is verrrry different from college. There are good things and bad things.

First of all, I am learning things. I am reading, studying, listening, and typing things that I am learning from. I dont think I've ever had a feeling of being educated - of truly learning and knowing something. I've manipulated the educational system since grade school to earn top marks for minimal effort. Dont get me wrong, I've studied and dont all the assignments, but I never let them inhabit my brain - I basically never learned shit about anything. I spit back memorized facts, formulas, writing styles.

I sat in my exams last week and grinned knowing that even though the exam was kicking my ass, I knew shit about the law - I really truly knew things. In the last 3 topsy-turvy months, I have gained legal knowledge and it feels nice.

Furthermore, law school is not the dark scary castle with vampires as professors and blood-thirsty classmates who drop poison into the library books. People are helpful - they seem to not be the cut-throat monsters we think of when we think "law student." Maybe deep down inside they are but they sure aren't showing it...much. And no professor has made a student cry....yet.

And I must say, I have met some fantastic people. I have found a partner in crime. A male Andrea perhaps. Yes, the one and only Aaron, who's presence in my life has been constant. We are the same person (blame it on being part of the greek system at college). I am confident that the rest of my time at Cardozo will be filled with Aaron's negotiations, interesting t-shirts, and giant mango margharitas.

AaronShap: you're good to me
chika 3 13: b/c u and i are like peas and carrots

[friendships like that a few and far between]

I have also found the people who make living the village life (la vie boheme actually) seem like everything I've expected it to be and cant wait for it to be. They know who they are and even though our awesome night out months ago was an isolated event (I just cant break away from NJ), I know I have more f*cked up nights at Le Suk to await.

And my Caroline, a grandma at heart but a princess in spirit. Hehe. Between her, her cat, and her adorable infatuation with DunkinDonuts, she's a winner. And actually, girls have surprised me this summer. I'm just not a fan but with all the girls I've met in class, and out of class, I am changing my prejudice day by day.

Btw, class breaks with my favorite asian chica makes them the best 15 minutes of the day.

Ok - so that description really didnt do my new law school friends justice and I didnt really mention anyone but like 2 people but it would take way too long. Moral of the story: these people are fabulous and make the commute and broken summer and added stress and insecurities of my decision ALMOST worth it. ;) And if you wanna know more, visit me in the city b/c ME AND INGA ARE NO LONGER HOMELESS!!!!

New address (as of 9/15):

17 Stuyvesant Oval, Apt. 5A

NY, NY!!!!!

Ok, that was tiring. I'll give you more later. Just be proud that I've given this much. I'm going to enjoy the last few hours of my 10 day summer break.

Hello Wall

2005-08-11T00:13:00.000-04:00

Yes, I know, it's been a while. This blog is beginning to feel like the diary I kept in middle school that ended up having 10 entries for those 3 years. I suppose things seem like they'll work out when I choose to do them but after a while I realize I was idealistic and naive in my plans. Ah, that brings us to why I'm writing this right now.

You see, I had planned to write about getting into Cardozo - my first choice in law schools, decided between Cardozo and Seton Hall (scholarship issues), my first day of classes (which was 2 weeks before the graduation post), and all things this summer held for me - which has been, as anticipated, a whole new chapter in my life, filled with 3 hour daily commutes, becoming a New Yorker, the people I've met, and the quarks of law school life.

Then, after realizing that I was getting a bit late with the update, I decided to write a reflective blog after completing my first semester as a law student. The blog was to be written on Thursday, August 18th - the day after my last final. That is 8 days away. This needs to be written now.

You see, I've hit a wall. I've avoided this wall all summer. I have put up with 4 hours of sleep a night, every weeknight. I've put up with splitting my time between my new Cardozo friends, the few college friends I shall retain, and the high school friends across the GWB. In fact, for most of the summer, I have woken at 6am, left the house at 7am, got to school around 8:30, sat in class from 9:30 to 2:30 (0r noon), spent several hours in the library, spent 90 minutes returning back to jersey, put in some family time, and then headed out to put in about 1-2 hours of friend time. My general bedtime has been 2am.

And it's been fine. It was probably more exhausting to talk about than to actually do. I caught up on sleep on weekends and felt quite good considering. I've lost about 20 lbs. of unnecessary weight finally, and seemed to grasp the material as well as I'd expected. I was realistic about my knowledge, my capacity for knowledge, and my academy expectations. In fact, I spent most of my time convincing others that stress doesnt help and that in the end, we'll all be fine. So pretty much, I have been taking intricate routes in a maze to avoid a wall that has been feet away from me the whole time. I have been running this maze for 3 months and today, just now, I've realized that I am exhausted. I've hit the wall.

Only, I dont know what to do now. I can leave the maze, drop out of law school, take this summer as a failed experiment, and find a job at a magazine. Truly, I could see these past few months as Cardozo Summer Camp. Its not like I'm in love with the law or the legal profession. I actually kind of feel like I've lost more than I've gained this summer.

And I didnt realize this until about an hour ago when one of my closest and dearest friends called me out on my inefficiency to call back or keep plans lately. She was 100% justified in these allegations. She named 5 times in the past week when I have pretty much blown her off. My voicemail box has become the space under a bed. All your crap gets shoved under the bed. It grows and grows because each time an item is added, instead of simply discrarding or organizing that item, you leave it there. Eventually, theres so much shit under there that its overwhelming to have to think of dealing with it. Thats my voicemail box (and email account - come to think of it). I have messages galore. Some I have listened to and kept intending to return. Others I havent even bothered listend to. But as soon as the operator says "You have 18 voice messages..." I just click "END." Its not that I dont want to talk to those people - I very much do in fact. However, a phone conversation brings with it guilt. Actually everything brings with it guilt. Because, when I'm doing something, I'm not studying. And not studying is being a bad law student. And you know what? The only reason I feel this way is because everyone else in the class spends all their damn free time working....and talking about working.

Well you know what? THEY AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE ON THEIR PRE-SENIOR SUMMER BREAK RIGHT NOW! They've lived their college years - all four of them. All their peers have the responsibilities they do. I have conversations like this:

chika 3 13: ur letting me down smanj, ur letting me down. how'd u let me get like this? im studying for godsakes! its a tuesday night and im studying! what the fuck?!? i am sober!
AndreaLU05: ahh im so dsrun i cant reak english but i feel the sdessperation in ur voice'
AndreaLU05: i want ot help
chika 3 13: omg...im gonna shoot myself.
AndreaLU05: my friends tihing im so retarded i sjho8ule be in rehab,ur so r4etarded u thin k ur sober
AndreaLU05: its anever ending retardered ness
AndreaLU05: i wear retarded peiople rule
chika 3 13: oh andrea lol

What I have is friends who can start their nights at 11pm (and need not care that others dont have that luxury), who can get retarded each night, who can do...well...whatever the hell they want. And its hard to live like this with that surrounding you.

And I didnt want to lose the laissez faire mindset I'd worked so hard to achieve (thank you Lehigh). And I dont know if I did or am losing it. I just know....that....I'm questioning.

Im confused and I dont have anyone to talk to about it. Law school people are studying or sleeping. Everyone else is partying and tends not to pick up the phone. I'm somewhere in the middle, mentally at least. And you know what? I dont think I knew this damn material as well as I thought.

I dont want to look back at the summer of 2005 and see that I lost my friends, energy, freedom, sleep and youth - and only gained a bit of knowledge. Knowledge may be power, but power means nothing if you're alone with bags under your eyes.

I know this entire post has been out of temporary desperation due to the frustration over finals. I know/hope that on wednesday, when my last final ends and my one week summer break begins, I will be surround by the friends I left at the bars and smoky basements, with a feeling of accomplishment rather than regret.

....And I promise, an adequate description of all things mentioned above about this chapter (besides this very depressing moment) of my life will truly be posted VERY VERY soon.

Yes....writing truly is therapy.

That's It?

2005-05-24T22:44:00.000-04:00

So I graduated from college. It's not really exciting. In fact, at no point of finishing out the school year, preparing for graduation, sitting at graduation, or reflecting on the graduation did I feel even a spark of any sort of emotion. It was truly a shrugging experience.

Lehigh was fun; It brought me to my full potential of stupidity and recklessness. But I'm not sad to go, and even now, mere weeks after moving out, I have truly put my time there behind me. I will only miss those I know I'll see often enough to not miss.

Even graduation was a "blah" event itself. Perhaps it was because I'd begun my studies at law school just a week prior (a WHOLE other post), but I was just beyond college; I'd felt like I'd been gone for years - not weeks, and there was no excitement in being back, seeing the people from there "era," anything. I spent the entire ceremony daydreaming or texting people and didn't feel like I was "entering a new chapter" of my life or whatnot - as I had after high school, or even 8th grade. I felt like I was revisiting a miniscule part of my life that provided me with some good memories, worse health, some crazy girls, and well perhaps a lesson or two. In no way did it teach me, shape me, or influence me the way high school had and so recieving my diploma felt like recieving the double cheeseburger with fries I'd ordered from the stoned yet perky McDonald's worker in the stupid Polo. There was literally no difference in the way I felt.

The only great thing I'd have to say about the whole "college graduation" thing is the look of pride eminating from my family. I've done some cool resume-worthy things in my life but, for some reason, none of those things provided my family with the same esteem for me and sheer delight as that day had. My parents kept pointing out that I was the first Zborovsky to graduate college (apparently my mom and her side of the family doesn't count as the "Zborovsky blood" doesn't run through them). I dont know if it was that or the fact that they knew I was out of Lehigh for good (Lehigh has made them nervous and worried for years...with good reason), but I would pay millions to feel what they and my grandparents felt that day.

By the way, Maya Angelou was depressing but poetic, exactly as expected. One thing to take away from her speech:
“I know that the future looms ominously to some of us. I know you are inheriting a world of blood thirst and anger and wild rage, but I also know that there is hope and you are it. I know that there is love, and you are it. I know that this nation, with its great institutions and its history, belong to the citizens who inhabit it. And I know that the future, with its sadness and joy, its despair and ecstasy, belongs to the young hope, which is who you are.”

I leave by saying that although, as explained, I felt no sadness in leaving or excitement at graduation, Lehigh is one heck of a party. So thanks for a 3 year long shitshow. Boy, 3 years pass immensely quick when you dont live like a human being with responsibilities. That was either 3 years of college or one very long night at a pub.

Aw.

2005-05-08T01:29:00.000-04:00

My adorable friend Stephanie:

Smiling022: are we going to be going into public places?
Smiling022: because i am all dishelved
Smiling022: and would prefer not to shevel myself

It's IMs like those that make her adorable. Unfortunately, she's leaving soon to spend 3 months in France :( Summer wont be the same without her.

Self-Help

2005-05-03T01:25:00.000-04:00

Flaws are beautiful - they add character. That is what people say. I think those people are in denial. If flaws were so great, there'd be no self help books in this world. I just checked on Amazon.com. There are 7,380 books with "self help" actually in the title. Imagine how many there are if you count the other titles as well.

We diet, color our hair, wear makeup, work out, seek therapy, take little classes, etc. all to fix flaws. We use most of our money to fix flaws. No one looks at wall with a hole in it as says "Wow, that wall sure does have character."

My best friend, my soulmate of sorts, Valerie, is my flaw partner. She and I decided back in December 2004 to fix the flaws in our lives during out winter breaks. We had about 4 weeks. I wanted to fix my former relationship which had ended 10 months earlier and I wanted to work on getting into my dream law school, Cardozo. Well, although it is now 5 months later, those two goals were accomplished. Although I didn't rekindle the relationship like I'd hoped back then, I did finally and fully get over it. Cardozo, as you all know, I am now starting at in a week and a half. Flaws fixed.

Valerie, too, overtime fixed the major flaws in her life. But now, as I'd just finished a telephone conversation with her, I've found that she and I have new flaws in our lives to fix. Well, for her the flaws are new as of winter break. For me, the flaws are just things in my life I should have taken care of a while back but shoved to the back of the line due to the issues mentioned above.

Although a new project is always appreciated, and Im glad to have goals for the summer, I wonder: Will I always have flaws to fix?

Will the rest of my life be about fixing more and more things. Life isn't perfect, and I understand that. It's just hard to think that living life while certain things fall apart or remain broken is possibly withouth trying to fix it. I think it's just about being in the ultra-generation. We are so used to technology and methods of fixing everything that it is impossibly for us to imagine allowing something to remain broken.

It's just tiring sometimes, and it's tiring to think and type about it.

I should be enjoying my second night out of dorm-life. My NJ bed is sooooo big and roomie. Yum.

I've Loved These Days

2005-04-30T13:36:00.000-04:00

I finished my senior thesis yesterday. 48 whole pages, 17 chapters, 2 pg table of contents, a cover and a bibliography. I'd had all semester to do it and left myself 17 pages to complete 3 days before its due date. Perhaps it just my procrastinating ways, or perhaps the idea of finishing the very last thing my undergraduate career has expected of me felt scary and rushed.
Rushed - well yeah I guess so. I've thrown a year of Lehigh away. I couldnt imagine being here another year, but I suppose its a double edge sword. I'm leaving to soon but more time would just be too much.
I do want to clarify that I love Lehigh and have had an incredible time here. I won "most crazy" in the sorority's senior superlatives (and most likely to be on TV). I dont think I could have ever been considerred "most crazy" before Lehigh. Lehigh has changed me, perhaps not for the bad or the good, but just changed me. Actually it was last year and this year that did that. I dont even count freshman year. I may have literally deleted my fourth year here but my freshman year is close to being considered deleted. A year filled with phonecalls from China, daily letters to China, a good amount of sobriety and well....not much else could be considered a year wasted. But I suppose I got something out of that year - it got me here.

So the moral of this story is that I've loved these days. And Billy Joel knows the way I'm feeling exactly. That is why he wrote a song about it (well.....a long time ago, but he saw this coming).

I've loved these days -- Billy Joel
Now we take our time
so nonchalant
And spend our nights so bon vivant
We dress our days in silken robes
The money comes
The money goes
We know it's all a passing phase
We light our lamps for atmosphere
And hang out hopes on chandeliers
We're going wrong
we're gaining weight
We're sleeping long and far too late
And so it's time to change our ways
But I've loved these days
Now as we indulge in things refined
We hide our hearts from harder times
A string of pearls
a foreign car
Oh we can only go so far
On caviar and cabernet
We drown our doubts in dry champagne
And soothe our souls with fine cocaine
I don't know why I even care
We get so high and get nowhere
We'll have to change our jaded ways
But I've loved these days
So before we end and then begin
We'll drink a toast to how it's been
A few more hours to be complete
A few more nights on satin sheets
A few more times that I can say
I've loved these days

A Caloric Curriculum

2005-04-13T02:38:00.000-04:00

I wrote an article last week that was published on April 1st in the school newspaper, the Brown & White. After the drama I've experienced being surrounded by females and reflection on the current programs the women's center is implementing to promote healthy body image in Lehigh females, I decided to try to use my "Matter of Opinion" piece to address girls (and guys) here on their ridiculous and shameful behavior.

I expected my friends to like it, or say so for my sake at least :) I did not, however, expect random students on campus to shout to me their agreement and appreciate of the piece, faculty to congradulate and praise me for my insight, a professor clipping the article to discuss with her class, a 4th place rank on "most popular stories" for the B&W online, and a Lehigh graduate to email me with:

I just read your article in the brown and white. I graduated from lehigh last year and i just wanted to say that article was great and you really hit the spot with what girls face at lehigh. Good job.
Ilana

I had hoped that by the time I graduated from Lehigh, I'd have one accomplishment to remember and be proud of. Somehow, in high school, I felt I left my mark and accomplished a great amount. Finally, less than 2 months from graduation, I feel I can finally be proud of somehting I'd done in the past 3 years.

Here it is:

When your school becomes your scale
By Diana Zborovsky
Assistant Lifestyle Editor
3/31/2005

It seems each day a new body image program is run here at Lehigh. But I feel it is time to truly address the way girls at Lehigh view themselves physically.

I am graduating in about two months, and although it will be sad to say goodbye to Lehigh, I do think that this is a place that lowers self-esteem, especially in women. That is something I won’t miss.

Of course, my future location, wherever that may be, will also be home to body image issues and concerns of women around me, as is common in our country.

However, the women at Lehigh have taken this to a new degree. We are living the best years of our lives and soon we will be consumed with actual responsibilities.

Nevertheless, Lehigh women are spending their time counting calories and tracking each minute at the gym. Regardless of all that work, their self-esteem remains low.

When was the last time you’ve walked into Taylor Gym and seen a free elliptical machine? Girls who can’t wake up for their 9 a.m. recitation will walk through snow at 7 a.m. to sign up for a machine for later in the day. I know some who visit the gym up to three times a day.

After my years at Lehigh, I see that the difference between healthy and obsessive is not clearly understood here. Eating a box of Oreos a day is not a healthy way to live, but shuddering at the sight of one Oreo cookie is also unhealthy.

One Lehigh cook even disclosed that a sorority he had previously cooked for requested nothing more than chicken broth and plain salad for dinner each night.

Ladies, what are you doing to yourselves? We know how dangerous bulimia and anorexia are for our bodies and can identify those as eating disorders. Well, eating disorders come in a variety of forms.

I personally know someone who will go on snack binges every few days yet keeps an overly strict diet otherwise. Nothing but asparagus one day; nothing but chocolate the next. That is an eating disorder.

But what I’ve noticed is that these same women, who hate themselves for snacking, like to bring others down as well. I can’t count how many times I’ve heard a friend of mine commenting on the weight of other girls. Standing at a party, I can easily hear friends whispering about other girls at the party: “How does she think she can wear that?” and “She should lose weight!”

With comments like that, how is it even possible that the entire female community doesn’t meet at the Lehigh River to purge all their food out at 4 p.m. each day?

Girls are vicious. They examine and pick apart other women’s bodies in class, at parties, during sorority rush (sorry to spoil the secret) and even those of their friends.

Sororities, for example, are supposed to be groups of girls who have the same interests and ideals. It is a completely fascinating phenomenon that these same interests and ideals also mean size and look. At this year’s sorority rush, I could often guess (correctly) which house a certain girl would end up in based on appearance. There were no surprises. After a while, you just know who fits a certain mold. Girls group themselves into size and shapes.

Please understand the truth that lies behind these observations. I, too, am in a sorority, and I’m obviously not attacking the Greek system. It just bothers me to see how superficial students are.

I have a beautiful friend at Lehigh. If I were to see her walking down Fifth Avenue, I would think she was a model. Thus, it was a huge surprise when I found out about her body issues. She feels that her body doesn’t compare to that of other women here and that her body is the reason that Lehigh guys don’t hit on her.

I don’t know if I should hug her or slap her. How can someone who looks like that feel like that?

Guys, I blame you, too, or at least a large percentage of you. Females are vicious, but you guys are just obnoxious.

In a Feb. 20 Brown and White column entitled, “Get some manners,” Erin McCallum addressed the way male students treat female students at Lehigh and described their lack of manners and propensity for acting like fools.

Perhaps your mothers never taught you to open the car door for a lady, which I can forgive. But I doubt your mother ever taught you to bring women down. If one of your standards for women is “must shop at Gap Kids,” don’t scoff at a girl who enters your party and happens to be heavier than 100 pounds. Be as friendly and polite with one girl as you are with another. Smile and say hello to a girl who enters your party, no matter what she looks like and make her night that much more enjoyable.

I’m tired of hearing girls cry and complain about the way they feel here at Lehigh. Relationships aren’t something women expect to find here, but they still expect some respect.

I am happy I survived Lehigh, not the exams or papers, but rather the emotional abuse that inadvertently is caused by the superficiality here. I’m leaving this school healthy and happy. Thanks to my genuine friends back home, and the great friends — both male and female — I have here, I remain as self-confident walking out of this place as I was walking in.

I am headed for the New York nightlife, which I’ve experienced to be normal. I find men offering to buy me a drink whenever I’m out in New York. Here, I can’t even get a guy to pick up a ping-pong ball for me.

I only hope that my female peers find the ability to gain back the self-confidence they’ve lost here. I ask the female readers to no longer put each other down, because the guys are doing enough of that.

Guys, respect the female community around you. Whether or not you want her between your sheets at the end of the night, she is a wonderful person, or at least should be treated as one. Ladies, grab an Oreo once in a while, it’s OK.

Boys & Girls

2005-03-23T20:35:00.000-05:00

It's Wednesday. That means I am spending 5-10 hours at press night working on Lehigh's newspaper, "The Brown & White." Right now I'm waiting for reads. I edit, bring it to the person one above me....and wait. Then I get it back, edit, and bring it to the person two above me...and wait. Pretty much, 80% of my night is waiting. So, I've decided to blog.

I've started to really wonder why females are so catty. I watch "Real World/Road Rules Challenge - Battle of the Sexes" and am astounded at how fair and sensible the mens' team is compared to the bickering girls' team. And the men always win.

The world directly around me works similarly. I have mostly all male friends at home and there are never any issues. No fights; no whispering behind backs. At school, thanks to my membership in a sorority, I am surrounded by females and thus surrounded by nothing but drama. There is not one day that passes drama-free. People don't believe that it can be that bad but it is.

Let me give a theoretical example:
Person A calls person B and tells them that they can't drive them to the movies.

With guys:
Person B says "You suck" and laughs. Next time they see each other all is fine. Persons C, D, and E never get involved.

With girls:
Person B says wearily "Ummm....ok...." and hangs up. Then calls person C and tells them all about it. Person C says "Oh my god, what a bitch." B & C talk about this and decide to tell it to D. C, excited about being on this side of the rising war, excitedly backs up all of B's feelings on A when telling D. D then brings up other annoyances and issues regarding A. Suddenly, a whole case is built against A and all of A's flaws are brought into light.
A, meanwhile, doesn't know that any of this has become such a big issue. Of course, A will never be told of this but rather will pick up slight hints of a problem in the behavior and attitudes of B, C, D, and E. (B being the most obvious and E being most subtle).

That, my friend, is the difference between boys and girls. Somehow a penis is a shield from drama.

I just hope that Law School, where people are too busy with work and...life, will be different.

Girls Gone Wild

2005-03-18T01:21:00.000-05:00

Although I've been back from spring break for a week now, this is truly the first chance I've gotten to reflect on it. ~deep breath~

Craziness. That is the one word to explain the week. For years, I'd watched MTV's Spring Break. I watched the girls go wild, the Senior Frog's style yards of crazy colorful drinks, the bikinis, the random boys, the clubbing, etc. I never thought I'd be part of it. I can now safely say that, although I will never do it again, I had that crazy booze-cruise spring break I'd watched years before shaking my head in disbelief and judgement.

Despite the fact that someone would have to pay me to do it again, I must say - it was truly one of the best weeks of my life. I am generally a worrisome and cautious person. I don't seem to be for I dont possess the outward attitude of one, nor do my actions fit that type of person. But deep down inside, the thought "Will I get arrested or die?" is looming in my head somewhere.

For this year's spring break, however, I threw caution into the wind and just went for it. I befriended the sketchiest of people and then partook in activities that now make me throw my head back and wonder "How did we live?"

Although a long poem touching upon the entire week's events is in the process and will be posted shortly, I must explain Honduras for one to get a feel of what I'm talking about.

3rd day into the cruise (Norweigan Sun - Western Caribbean), we docked on Roatan Island, off the coast of Honduras. We expected to walk the streets nearest to the port and perhaps shop around and snap a few photos. However, we heard a man yelling "Scooters! Electric scooters!" Despite my reluctance, Sonya and Cristen - whom I'd disembarked with - pushed forward with the idea that renting a scooter (moped) each and a local man to drive each for us, was a smart way to see the island. A little voice inside my head shouted "STUPID IDEA!" I shut that voice up. It was probably the best choice I'd made in a while.

The day was no longer just a one hour shopping fest but rather a 6 hour tour of the entire island - the poverty-stricken ghetto, private beaches, a remote island bar, a fabulous restaurant, EVERYTHING.

The men, who appeared to be once again sketchy proved to be wonderful tourguides and enjoyable companians for the day. We sat behind them, our arms wrapped tightly around their waists (until we decided that "no hands" was more fun) and learned about our surroundings, and then shared a lunch and some drinks with them as well. Of course, at an moment, they could easily drive us all to a remote area and have their way with them, but we, naive sorority party animals, blocked that thought out of our heads.

Seatbeltless, we each rode on the back of our respective mopeds and allowed the three locals to dictate our plan for the day. Although you have to ask me to explain some of our actions of the day - as I will not post incriminating information - I will say that at one point, we stood next to a shack pouring buckets of freshwater on our bikini-clad bodies with onlookers present. All that was missing was the porn music I used to have set as my cellphone ringtone.

This "most amazing time of my life" will only be kept from happening again by that fact that I cannot live another week of my life so unhealthy and stupidly carefree. I'm glad I lived and am regaining my health. I hadn't slept on the cruise for the first 4 or 5 days and after that sleep came in short spurtlike naps before dinner or between 7 and 8am. The entire week provided me with perhaps a total of 7-10 hrs of sleep. I still, as I write this, have not caught up on my missed sleep.

One day, I drank about 15 cups of water while tanning and didn't have to visit the ladies room until the evening - thats how badly my body was in need of water.

Although I was malnourished, sleep-deprived, and dehydrated beyond belief, I was nourished with amazing memories and a story that I can MAYBE tell my future children one day when they say "Mom, you're so boring and uncrazy." No kids, mom had the craziest spring break ever some years ago - crazier than you can ever imagine.

The Monumental 21

2005-03-13T06:18:00.000-05:00

It's my birthday. I'm 21. I dont know what to celebrate more - my legality, or the fact that I made it this far. For some reason, I just didn't think I'd make it this far.

Good for me.

I'd like a dirty vodka martini, stirred, extra dirty.

Salmon

2005-02-27T11:57:00.000-05:00

The Academy Awards....my favorite night of the year. I suppose I have a slightly unhealthy obsession with the entertainment/celebrity world. As Oscar night is a celebration of that world, I put a lot of time and effort into it. The weeks leading up to Oscar night are filled with trips to the movies, dozens of articles and reviews, and very well calculated predictions of who will win.

Tonight's Oscars had to be the more predictable one of my life. In fact, besides best picture (which I was iffy about) and best score (John Williams should have won all 43 of the awards he's been nominated for in his career), I correctly predicted the winner for each major category. I invited you to view the Brown & White article I wrote with my predictions, entitled "Some Medicine for that Oscar Fever."

Speaking of that article. I was unhappy to see the greatness of that article (one of my most researched and well-written, I felt) chopped out and reduced by the editors above me in the food chain. Granted my original length was a bit excessive (it's a topic that gets me particularly excited) but the final published product was dissapointing. Parts of it didn't even make sense. To make an article fit, I feel an editor should change/delete words - not sentences and paragraphs. The meaning of the article is lost. So, since I had to leave early on Wednesday night (press night) - and by early I mean 12:30am - because my eyes were getting strangly red (which turned out to be the viral conjunctivitis), I left my pride and joy to the other editors and this was the final outcome.

This is something I have learned from my time on the Brown & White. When you are just a writer, you are at the bottom of the food chain - the tuna of the ocean. Even when you are promoted to Assistant Editor, as I have been - you are merely one step up: a salmon. Unless I am one day an editor in chief of a magazine/newspaper, my writing will not be completely mine. I will have it edited to hell until the final product is no longer the stream of words that had been floating in my head. It's a part of journalism that makes me skeptical of my dream. If I choose, after I graduate from law school, to pursue my journalism dream, is it even worth it? I'm very protective of my writing, will I leave it to a chain of 5-6 editors above me to hack through it?

Being a salmon kind of sucks. Real salmon are lucky because they don't write. Although, they are caught, killed, and eaten....so I supposed I got the better deal anyway.

Blindness

2005-02-25T02:53:00.000-05:00

It is very difficult to type this right now because I am basically blind. Apparently, I have a severe case of viral conjunctivitis and my eyes are disguisting and blurry. This caused an interesting trip to the emergency room.

The conversation that ensued:
doctor: you have a severe form of viral conjunctivitis
me: pink eye?
doctor: no, this is a different strain...I generally see it in young children from the ghetto
me: yeah, that's me

Then he gives me a bottle of eye drops and says "The directions are on the bottle" and I'm like "Thanks. Now can you point me towards the door?"
Silly doctors....

So, anyway, today was the one year anniversary of Mike and I breaking up. Funny thing is, I find it humorous for some reason. I guess since we're still such close friends, that day doesn't seem very negative....just the beginning of a different chapter. And now, I'm a year into that chapter. It doesn't feel like a whole year has gone by. I often wonder what I'd be like if we didn't break up a year ago. Would I be who I am now? I'd probably not have the guts to graduate a year early and possibly wouldn't continue on to law school. Perhaps I wouldn't have wanted to move to NY and be 3 hours away from him. I actually think the reason this day is happy rather than sad is because this independance I now possess is so refreshing. I didn't think I'd be like this one year ago. I think I'll pat myself on the back tonight. And then I'll feel around the room to find my bed.

Who's that girl?

2005-02-24T02:23:00.000-05:00

We each have that one picture that makes us say "Hmmm....not a bad picture. I don't look half bad in this." This is mine.

10,000 things at once

2005-02-21T23:42:00.000-05:00

I wonder how people are able to sit down, start something, and then complete it right there in that sitting. I am currently: chatting with three people online, writing an Academy Awards preview for the newspaper, writing a Vagina Monologues preview for the newspaper, counting the rows on my current crocheting project (a navy blue purse), checking off things in my daily planner, preparing to go watch a video across the hall, and - yes - writing this blog.

I dont want to play the ADD card that is too often played but I truly cant seem to just be satisfied with one activity. A lot of this is probably due to the fact that I'm a procrastinator. The articles are due on Wednesday and I've had weeks to do them but I love the deadline preassure too much to get it out of the way. The crocheting project is on and off, unlike my friends' projects that are started and completed in days. I just cant crochet more than a few rows before getting bored of the hooking motion. My daily planner is updated so seldomly that I have to cross off at least five days every time I check it. And then the fact that I just started a blog enters my mind.

The thing is, I'm one of those people who likes to get things out of the way early enough to maintain a clear mind. I had law school applications to complete over winter break and they werent due til March. But in order to truly enjoy the break, I had to complete the applications early. Once it's done, I dont have to think about it anymore. I'm not sure, then, why there are times like these when procrastination leads my actions and I end up fitting all my tasks into one or two nights.

I've been warned for years that this method will not work for long. In middle school, I was told that I needed to get my priorities straightened out for high school. The same was said to me before college. And now I hear this from everyone about law school. But the information is always wrong - I end up doing fine even with my fake ADD, poor time management skills, and my procrastination. Since it's always worked out, albeit with much stress, I trust this method thoroughly. I only worry that eventually, like in law school, everyone's warning turn out to be true and I fail miserably. My two roads: continue on this one and hope for the best, or change my flawed ways to society's approval. I think I'll try the former one more time. I know, I'm weak.

But........speaking of law school......I got in! Yesp, New York Law School has officially accepted me as a student, if I choose to accept back, and has gifted me with an offer that will be hard to refuse. I still have some 10 schools to hear from but even if NYLS remains my only or best choice after all is said and done, fine by me. Pressures off, dont have to look for a job, and hopefully will be living in Tribeca (where NYLS is located) next year (hopefully near the Olsen twins).

I'd exclaim "yay" or "woohoo" but a long deep sigh seems much more appropriate.

1996

2005-02-15T05:07:00.000-05:00

Listened to a lot of 90's music tonight. I'm such a nostalgic person. As to not forget this amusing conversation (like all the countless others that spent several days/weeks on my profile/away message before being forever forgotten):

While watching a Missy Elliot performance from 1996
Me: Back then, I had vowed to be a virgin bride and never touch alcohol, cigarettes, or drugs.
Stevie: I was probably high.

Ping!

2005-02-14T21:00:00.000-05:00

Several years ago, my peers began jumping on the banwagon of blogging. Livejournal - all the rage. My nose in the air, I proclaimed that all I wanted to say I would say/email/IM to my friends. I would never blog.

Summer 04 - "Online Journalism" - After spending countless hours studying and writing about the effects of blogging on our society, political system, and international policies, I thought "Wow, maybe this is not such a dinky habit after all..." but with my nose still in the air, I resisted.

Now, after realizing that stories are forgotten and memories dont last forever, AND that I truly kill more braincells than I thought, I figured that the only way to remember the "good ol' days" is to chronicle them online. It's really as though after fighting the urge for a few years, a bell inside my head went "PING!" and I've seen the light. ("Ping" is such a better description of the situation inside my head than "Eureka"). And since my friends' braincells evaporate at the same speed as mine, this may be a good resource for them as well.

Furthermore, as I sit on my bed on this dreery day we dedicated to luuuurve, I feel compelled to actually put my thoughts into words. I truly, at this moment, have nothing better to do. Besides, maybe if I can dedicate a part of my thoughts to this, I'll talk less - and that ain't a bad thing.

So Happy Valentine's Day to all of you who have fallen victim to this crap. I cannot blame you for I wore your shoes for the past three years. This is the first time in a long time that I'm benched for this day. Such an exclusive holiday it is. You dont see it that way until the tables are turned and you are stuff crocheting and reading "Harry Potter" while others take horse-and-carriage rides around a moonlit Manhatten after enjoying tartufo at dimly lit bistro. But I'm not bitter. Being excluded builds character. It's like being a Jew on Christmas (something I am also privied to experience). You adapt to the exclusion and finish your beef & broccoli in time to catch the last showing of "Meet the Fockers." Ho Ho Ho.

We all get a Valentine's Day fit for our needs at some point of our lives. I've enjoyed my boxes of chocolates, long stemmed red roses, romantic dinners, and gigantic stuffed bears sent from China. It's been a good run, and there'll be another. Besides, with parents cute enough to present me with a gift certificate for a day of pampering at the spa, and a best friend who proclaims herself my permanent valentine and presents me with the book "Be Honest - You're Not That Into Him Either," life aint too bad. (Plus, February 15th is six hours away).

If you read this and didnt fall asleep, get angry, or become ill, welcome to the beginning of Diana's blogging experience (I guess as a journalism major, it was expected). Come back and visit!